I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
