Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
