This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
