Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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