My liver just broke up with me...
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
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