I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
