How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
