Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
