I'm gonna have a badass scar
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You left your phone here
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