Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The struggles of a small town man whore
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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