Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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