He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
