So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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