God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
