She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
