I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
