I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
