I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
