Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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