he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I touched a dick in church today
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
