As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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