its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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