I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
