LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize