I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
