he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
