she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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