My vagina just recognized that song.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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