I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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