I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
