Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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