it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sobbing to NWA
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
