I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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