When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
