But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
