Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all done wearing pants today
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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