I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
