I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
