Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
is it fun? or sober?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
