Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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