omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
