she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
