Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
