i would punch a child for taco bell
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
