It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
