you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
