Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
