turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
