so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You're like the curious george of whores
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
