i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
