I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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