Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize