rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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