Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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