So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
