do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
