We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
