her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
