i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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