What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
