Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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