i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
