I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
