I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
