My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
