Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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