Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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