why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
