Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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