Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
