Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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