How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
